7 September 2010, 10:07 am
My boyfriend of 8 months and I have recently been having a series of pretty serious talks about our future over the last couple of weeks. We both know we're going to end up moving in together once I finish my MBA, we both have similar goals in life, we get along so well, we share the same values on family, religion, and politics. He is constantly bringing up our future, our retirement, our next vacation, our move to Germany, etc. It's very clear we're are planning for a future together that will involve 'our' life together. However, though we have both said many times that we want to be together and we both envision marriage as the ultimate goal he has said that while he wants to get married, and that's the road he sees us headed down that he is just not ready. I don't quite understand, he constantly talks about how much he wants me to live with him so we could wake up together every day, he wants to plan our future jointly - even discussed retirement, he talks about how I'm the most important thing in his life and how he was so lonely without me and even admits that he wants to get married and that I'm the one for him. We've even decided that instead of ring shopping together, I should just pick out exactlly what I want so that when he does propose it can be a surprise even if the ring won't be (but it'll be exactlly what I want!!). So I suppose my question is if he says all this, and he wants it to happen, how can he not be ready for it? He said his big reason is that it's a really big thing that only happens once in your life and it means always having to make joint decisions about careers, finance, family issues, etc but at the same time I really thought that was sort of what he wanted and was prepared for. Also, he's 26 and many of his friends and siblings are already married and he says he keeps trying to encourage his single friends to find someone so they can have something as wonderful and meaningful as we do. So I just don't understand how if he wants all of these things how he can sit there and say that he is not ready? I haven't pushed him to explain this further because we've talked about it so much lately I'm just exhausted with the topic. I have made it clear to him that once I finish school I will not move in with him and have a joint home, with shared belongings, and responsibilities and a shared lifestyle if there is not some type of commitment laid down on the table (especially if I don't know the full 360 on all of his finances - people living together should know completely these details about each other.) I love him, and I really don't want to have to end it if he doesn't ask before I graduate but I'm not going to be dragging my feet with someone and especially living with them, no matter how much I love them, if they're not ever going to be ready to make a serious commitment to me and to starting a family with me.... Read More »
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